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Offline woodenpickle

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wooden pickle's movie of the week
« on: August 10, 2012, 04:53:33 AM »
I'm WoodenPickle. I watch a ton of movies. However my main goal is to convince you amazing people to watch movies you may or may not have ever heard of.

« Last Edit: August 29, 2012, 04:10:36 AM by woodenpickle »

Offline woodenpickle

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Re: wooden pickle's movie of the week
« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2012, 04:57:42 AM »

VHS Official Red Band Trailer [HD]: Misfits Discover A Horrific Found Footage Film

Movie: V/H/S
Review by Woodenpickle

V/H/S is the best found footage horror film ever made.
V/H/S is created as an anthology. A group of young guys are paid to go into a house and steal a particular tape. During this time, one of the guys finds a stack of tapes located in a room with a seemingly dead older man sitting in a chair. There starts the viewing of the tapes.

There are 5 segments each created by a different director(including my man Ti West).

What really puts this movie above everything else in its genre, is its ability to do something different. Each segment has a different and creative way to use the "found footage" style.
The first one was done with a group of guys going to a bar trying to hook up with girls. He has a camera actually built in his glasses so you see everything he sees.
The last segment was during Halloween in which another group of young guys are off to a Halloween party. The way they do the footage here, is that the camera is located the bear outfits head(being worn by one of the guys).

My personal favorite style used, was a sort of "face-time" style. All the video shown was through a webcam on a laptop. In the bottom right was the person the young girl was talking to. This part was created so brilliantly. It didn't have to rely on gimmicks to completely shock the crap out of me. While not my favorite segment, it's style is unmatched in anything I've ever seen.

The movie is extremely violent to the level of disturbingly realistic. I also liked that the camera doesn't "mess up" during action parts. A lot of other movies use certain camera glitches that block a lot of what's going on. While V/H/S has these, they are not used in important scenes. They are used really well and are fitting to what's going on but not once was used as a way to screw us over as a viewer.

I'm not sure what the budget was on this, but it looked perfect for what it was trying to do. It had low resolution cameras(on purpose of course. Since these are.... VHS tapes) but everything else looked high end. The gore looks real, and a lot of effects used and make up looks really top notch. The last segment, my favorite, shows off more of the budget. It was done so incredibly well and in only a few shots. I was shocked at how they were able to pull certain things off without a camera take.
V/H/S is that masterpiece of horror cinema not many will watch. It's filmed brilliantly, well acted, very violent, the effects are top notch and the movie is so damn good at creating suspense with great camera work and characters.

I'd recommend V/H/S to anyone who likes horror movies and can deal with excessive and real violence. I know many people are sick of the "found footage" style of films, but V/H/S adds so much originality and brilliance to that style, that it should not be over looked.
5/5
« Last Edit: August 29, 2012, 04:16:04 AM by woodenpickle »

Offline cvsprinter

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Re: wooden pickle's movie of the week
« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2012, 05:55:07 PM »
How was the first movie reviewed NOT Bloodsport?

Offline woodenpickle

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Re: wooden pickle's movie of the week
« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2012, 06:23:37 PM »
How was the first movie reviewed NOT Bloodsport?
Bloodsport review:
YOU WILL GET ASS IF YOU WATCH THIS WITH A CHICK

Offline cvsprinter

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Re: wooden pickle's movie of the week
« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2012, 08:35:04 PM »
How was the first movie reviewed NOT Bloodsport?
Bloodsport review:
YOU WILL GET ASS IF YOU WATCH THIS WITH A CHICK

My housemate just came over and knocked on my door wondering what was up because I was laughing so hard.

Offline fetalSTIRFRY

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Re: wooden pickle's movie of the week
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2012, 09:39:53 AM »
here in this thread, since i talk to all you lovely people so much about movies, im gonna plan on giving you a review on at least one new movie a week. Most of these movies are movies i guarantee you chumps have never heard of.
The point of this thread is to get you guys into movies(and games) that you may have never heard of before, and hear a streamers opinion about them.


thank you so much for doing this pickle! honestly, truely, surely, hellayeah, thank you.
I'm trying to get back into movies because I......
a.) don't watch many movies in general
b.) have lost faith with all the new releases
c.) don't know where to being
d.) like things handed to me because it's a lot easier
Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.
BUT ANYWAYS, thanks pickle, this really awesome of you to do this, i couldn't think of a better IGcritic other than you.
fucking wubs pickle
fucking.
wubs.
<3

Offline woodenpickle

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Re: wooden pickle's movie of the week
« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2012, 01:15:47 PM »
here in this thread, since i talk to all you lovely people so much about movies, im gonna plan on giving you a review on at least one new movie a week. Most of these movies are movies i guarantee you chumps have never heard of.
The point of this thread is to get you guys into movies(and games) that you may have never heard of before, and hear a streamers opinion about them.


thank you so much for doing this pickle! honestly, truely, surely, hellayeah, thank you.
I'm trying to get back into movies because I......
a.) don't watch many movies in general
b.) have lost faith with all the new releases
c.) don't know where to being
d.) like things handed to me because it's a lot easier
Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.
BUT ANYWAYS, thanks pickle, this really awesome of you to do this, i couldn't think of a better IGcritic other than you.
fucking wubs pickle
fucking.
wubs.
<3
you are to kind starfy
bunch of weird shit coming up. next one will be The Raid and Warriors of the Rainbow.
yep, prolly movies youve never heard of!

Offline woodenpickle

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Re: wooden pickle's movie of the week
« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2012, 11:21:00 PM »
Rec 3 : Genesis - Official Trailer [HD]

REC 3 Genesis
I feel the best way to review REC 3 is to make a list to describe what the film makers fucked up(excuse my French)
A few things that make REC 3 a disgrace to the franchise:
1. The infected aren't relentless anymore. They pause all the time and are slow, they are more like zombies. The original infected didn't think. They immediately attacked without hesitation.
2. The infection took FAR TO LONG to set in. In the first 2, you get infected, you transform in a matter of seconds. In 3, it takes like 5 minutes. This completely halts the suspense.
3. It is not longer a found footage film. When done well, found footage style films work, and they work really well. REC and REC 2 had unique ways to do this style. The third, shot in a "normal cinema" style, felt far to amateur and had no scary parts at all.
4. The entire tone of the film. It's clear that they wanted to mix a lot of humor and horror. Unfortunately the "humorous" parts turned out to be far to stupid, for the most part, that it took away from any seriousness the film brought up.
5. The dialogue was horrendous. Here is a line for you: " she's alive! I can sense her!"
6. It's far to obvious and predictable. You knew every time someone was going to die. The jump scares didn't work in the slightest.
SPOILERS:
7. Dear mother of god(no pun intended). That ending was absolutely garbage. The fact that all that stopped the creatures was a priest saying shit from the bible made the first 2 seem pointless. Who the hell thought that was a good idea?

Here's the problem. The team behind the first 2 made the 3rd which is why I'm so shocked at how bad this was. The same team that took a style to incredibly new heights made a threequal that's generic and dumb. The movie literally takes the first 2 and says: "sorry guys! You no longer exist!" taking everything good about them and throwing them away. It doesn't even metaphorically shit on them. It didn't take the ideas and ruin them. They took out the best parts and ideas of the first two, and completely botched everything.
I don't recommend any fan of the first 2 great films to watch this. It will destroy any love you had for them. I don't have a problem with change, but they took this change completely in the wrong direction.
On a positive note I thought the effects were pretty good, the main chick was smokin and the transition between the "handy cam" style to "cinema" style was quite clever.
2/5
« Last Edit: August 29, 2012, 04:19:54 AM by woodenpickle »

Offline woodenpickle

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Re: wooden pickle's movie of the week
« Reply #8 on: August 21, 2012, 12:52:25 AM »
The Expendables 2 Trailer 3 [HD]: 60 Seconds With Sylvester Stallone and Chuck Norris

The Expendables 2
The Expendables advertised itself as a trip back to the 80's where we had some of the best action movies ever. Some of the greatest action stars were at the peaks of their careers: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damme and Chuck Norris were the biggest and baddest dudes on the planet. While the Expendables did give us a fun ride, most people thought it could have been better.
The Expendables 2 surpasses the first film in every way possible. It is exactly what you expect: old action stars kicking ass. Extremly violent fights, lots of explosions, plenty of great one liners and loads of action and old movie references.
"Wow this plane belongs in a museum." Stallone
"So do we." Arnold
Added to the cast are Van Damme, Scott Adkins, Chuck Norris, Liam Hemsworth and Nan Yu. We were also promised much more screen time for Arnold and Bruce. Van Damme plays the bad guy with Scott Adkins as his body gaurd. He kills one of Barney's(Stallone) men and sets off to get his revenge. While the story is pretty standard, its more then serviceable for the action.
"Whats the Plan?" Statham
"Track 'em, find 'em, kill 'em." Stallone
What made this movie so much fun was that it was completly self aware. It knows what fans of the cast want to see. Pure cheese. Arnold and Willis have some truly epic dialogue, a lot referencing their older movies. Chuck Norris is not in the movie for to much, but every minute he is on screen, is just so brilliantly done. Any person who watched old Chuck movies will instantly get all the puns and jokes that are said to him.
"You're gonna need more men if you're gonna get through this one." Chuck
"Can we count on you're help?" Stallone
"I work better as a Lone Wolf." Chuck
Van Damme and Scott Adkins make an amazing duo as the bad guys. Van Damme is still in amazing shape and shows off a lot of classic moves he used to do in his old movies such as his world famous spinning back kick. He has a stand-off with Stallone at the end, which is one of the coolest fights in recent memories. Hearing Van Damme shit talk Stallone as he beats up on him, brings back a lot of great memories from his characters in Replicant and Double Impact.
"Im out of bullets!" Van Damme
"That's your problem!" Stallone
Van Damme walks out unarmed. "Do you want to shoot me like a dog? Or fight me like a man?"
Scott Adkins who is most known for his amazing athleticism and fighting style from the Undisputed movies, gets a chance to show off how skilled and quick he is as he has a brutal fight with Jason Statham at the end.
The Expendables 2 was easily the most enjoyable theater experience i've ever had and my favorite movie of 2012. It has the greatest action stars of all time, its paced perfectly, has amazing and over the top action scenes, and is absolutely hilarious.  It was a massive crowd pleaser and took my back to the good ole days of action movies.
5/5
« Last Edit: August 29, 2012, 04:22:22 AM by woodenpickle »

Offline Mizurie

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Re: wooden pickle's movie of the week
« Reply #9 on: August 21, 2012, 01:05:06 AM »
If I may suggest a movie..The russian short film Stalker is a very good one, and available on youtube should you wish to watch it there.

Сталкер 1 серия / Stalker film 1 (The video's owner prevents external embedding)

Offline woodenpickle

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Re: wooden pickle's movie of the week
« Reply #10 on: August 22, 2012, 04:35:03 AM »

The Raid: Redemption
The Raid has been called the greatest action movie ever made. Is this true? Well i'd easily say its one of the best i've ever seen.
The Raid is about a group of 20 cops that infiltrate a drug lords apartment complex and are sent their to kill him and stop their opperation. During the attack, the team is found out, and now the entire building's residence are out to kill them.While the plot isnt anything special, its more then serviceable for the incredible action scenes, cinematography and tight direction.
As soon as the cops enter the apartment, you'll imediatly notice how dirty and sometimes even scary the place is. It's a dump. People are doing cocain without even caring that they have their own piss on them, there are bug and rats everywhere, and even bloodstains on the walls and floors. It's extremly immersive and downright freaky.
The gun fights feel real. The cops and tennants are not hesitante to fire their weapons, and they do it in a way that is intelligent. Three round bursts and head shots. The cops start getting completly over run and now have no more ammo. This is where the movie shows off the talent of the cast. Rama, played by Iko Uwais, shows off his fighting style of Silat which has never been shown in movies before. Its a brutal fighting style with lots of quick jabs and kicks. After the first fight scene your jaw will have dropped.
The movie started out with the cops in a truck on their way to the apartment complex. They are chatting about the mission and the captain talks about the three main leaders. Tama(the crime lord) and his two body guards Andi and Mad Dog. Mad Dog is explained as an absolute killing machine and would easily lay his life on the line for his boss. Little do we know as viewers, Mad Dog is actually the really skinny and short guy who doesnt have an once of fat on him.
"Pulling the trigger is like ordering takeout...this is what its all about. This is the thing. This is the pulse, This. Is what I do." Mad Dog clenching a fist and challenging The Captain as he unloads his pistol.
His first fight is against the captain. Here you will notice how fast and talanted these guys are. The sheer brutality of the fight will drop your jaw even furthur.
During this last hour, you won't be able to take your eyes off the screne. In different and equally creepy parts of the apartment complex, each fight still feels fresh and fun. All of these lead to and amazing two on one fight. Rama (and another unamed person who i won't say because it would spoil it) fight Mad Dog. It is seriously one of the greatest fight scenes ever made.
The fights feel very real and luckily never use any wires. The action is all done by the actors themselves. What also surprised my was how amazing the score was. All the music was done by Mike Shinoda of Linkin Park( which im not really a fan of). But to my surprise, his score was absolutely perfect. Equally tense, creepy and fitting.
The Raid: Redemption is easily one of the best action movies ever made and by far the best martial arts movie out there. If you're looking for an adrenaline rush, look no furthur. The Raid will have you glued to the screen with your jaw dropped to the floor.
5/5
The Blu Ray
The Picture: The picture does look very crisp, however most of the movie takes place in fairly dark areas. It's not the best picture i've seen from a blu ray, but definitely worth the upgrade from DVD. 3.5/5
The Audio: Very crisp sounding. Each punch comes in clear and the soundtrack by Mike Shinoda sounds incredible on Blu Ray. 4.5/5
Decision: Buy
Proof of how amazing the fight scenes are:
The Raid - Jaka vs Mad Dog Fight Scene [HD]
« Last Edit: August 29, 2012, 04:23:39 AM by woodenpickle »

Offline woodenpickle

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Re: wooden pickle's movie of the week
« Reply #11 on: August 26, 2012, 03:21:26 AM »
"This isn't The Dead Poets Society and I am not that bloke on bbc2 keeps getting kids to sing in choirs. I especially don't want to hear how well you are settling down at uni or how much growing up you have done in the past 12 months. At best I am ambivalent towards most of you, but some of you I actively dislike, for no other reason than your poor personal hygiene or your irritating personalities. I hope I have made myself clear on this point and in case any of you think I am joking, I am not. I assure you, once my legal obligation to look after you best interests is removed, I can be one truly nasty fucker. Good luck with the rest of your lives and try not to kill anyone, it reflects very badly on all of us here."

The Inbetweeners Movie is a hilarious conclusion to one of the funniest shows on the planet.

The show is about new kid named Will, who is transferred to a public school after being in a private school his whole life. Will is an intelligent yet socially awkward person who befriends Simon, a boy who is completely obsessed with Carli, a girl who has friend zoned him, Jay, a compulsive liar who constantly talks about the loads of girls he bangs, and Neil, the dumb yet whole hearted guy of the group. This group of guys aren't really popular but they are not the biggest losers of the school. Hence the name Inbetweeners. The group spends most of the time failing at getting girls and embarrassing themselves. Unfortunately this brilliant show finished in only three seasons.

What I liked so much about the show was that it felt real. The writing and performances were amazing. Nothing was over done, the characters felt real and relatable, and for the most part the jokes were winners.

The movie continues right after the the show. They graduate high school and now plan on visiting Greece during the summer to party and hook up with as many chicks as they can.

After arriving, they are convinced by a hot brunette to visit Marco's, a bar that is supposed to have loads of easy girls. To their surprise its empty and boring. They start drinking and notice four girls that walk in. Two of them are pretty good looking, one is a bit dopey (like Neil) and a girl whose bigger then all the guys combined. The boys decide the best way to pick them up is to impress them with their epic dancing skills.

The Inbetweeners Movie - Dance Scene [FULL]


The rest of the movie consists of the boys doing what they do best: having fun, drinking and trying to get laid. While up to this point  it's been a lot of fun, the problem is Simon. His obsession with Carli starts to get very irritating and far to overdone. Every word that comes out of his mouth is "Carli". On top of that he's such a dick to the girl he met at the bar that really likes him, Lucy. Again, Simon starts getting so annoying that you just want to punch him for all the decisions he makes and how stupid he is acting. This is what makes certain parts unbearable.

While the movie is hilarious and does outshine the show in a few ways, the movie doesn't do anything particularly new. However  it does everything so damn well, for the most part. The ending is particularly heartfelt, especially when Simon finally realizes that he's been an idiot over the years chasing after a girl that really isn't worth it.

I'd recommend checking out the show first, since there are a ton of references in the film, however you'd still have a fun time either way. What takes away from a perfect Inbetweeners experience is to much idiocy from Simon.  However it's still a hilarious and sexy experience that can't be missed.
4/5

Offline woodenpickle

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Re: wooden pickle's movie of the week
« Reply #12 on: August 26, 2012, 06:08:18 AM »
Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.


Not enough u wot m8?

?

Offline woodenpickle

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Re: wooden pickle's movie of the week
« Reply #13 on: August 29, 2012, 03:03:25 AM »
Martyrs (Trailer)


Martyrs
A beautiful morning before work. The lady of the house making breakfast for her loving husband, son and daughter. The door bell rings. The husband walks over to the door and opens it.
BOOM
A shot gun shell blows a hole through the mans chest. A woman with a hoodie walks in the house. The rest of the family starts screaming and running to save their lives. Another shell explodes and hits the mother in the back. The covered villain reloads her weapon and looks for the kids. The next shot blows the sons head clean off. She finds the young daughter of the house crying in her room. One more shot is heard.

We get introduced to our first character Lucie, whom we immediately think is a psycho. She just murdered, what looked like, a  caring and lovable family. Her friend Anna enters the house and starts screaming at her best friend, trying to figure out what has happened.

Lucie starts talking about this "creature" that's been haunting her and brutally cutting her. They start showing this "creature" more frequently and it only seems to appear when Anna isn't around. The creature looks like a girl about Lucie's age with cuts all over her body and face, sharpened teeth and dirty and bloodied hair, usually holding a knife. Almost every time Lucie is alone, she is attacked by this thing in brutal ways. She gets stabbed brutally in both arms, from her shoulder to her wrists, multiple times in the back, and is almost killed by it.
Martyrs is a movie that is extremely hard to talk about because it drastically changes shifts half way through and saying much about it would spoil the experience.

The reason Lucie killed this family (it's explained blatantly in the trailer) was because she claimed she was captured by this family and tortured for 14 months and escaped. Now grown up, she is getting her revenge.
But who or what is this creature that's trying to kill her?

At the half way point, the movie turns into something completely different, which is a characteristic of writer/director Pascal Laugier, and i was truly blown away at how well it was done. While the girls are still there, we are introduced to a brand new set of characters. Ones even more messed up then the first. It keeps the same tone, but the pace is slowed down. The first half will keep your eyes glued to the screen and truly freak you out( a lot to do with very little explanation until the end), the second half will make you cringe in every way possibly.

The sheer brutality of the movie will turn many people away. The movies excessive and brutal violence, especially towards women, is enough for some people to instantly dislike it. It is considered by most horror aficionados as one of the top three most messed up and violent movies ever made, and I can agree fully.

But violence doesn't stop me from watching and enjoying films.

The movie is so superbly acted, written and directed. While first half is a fast paced, suspenseful type of horror movie. The second half slows down the pace dramatically, truly showing off how messed up some people can be.

"Martyrs are exceptional people. They survive pain, they survive total deprivation. They bear all the sins of the earth. They give themselves up. They transcend themselves... they are transfigured."

Martyrs is easily one of the most violent, brutal and chilling movies ever made. While for this reason it may turn some people away, which is understandable, but by not seeing it Id feel you'd be missing out on that rare original horror movie that could truly define the genre itself. That could truly be considered horror. No more of these Hollywood teen slashers and random jump scares, Martyrs relies on brilliant film making, stunning performances and a touch of originality to get under your skin(no pun intended).
5/5

Offline LetterofTheDay

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Re: wooden pickle's movie of the week
« Reply #14 on: August 29, 2012, 03:37:31 PM »
I've been desperate to see The Raid and The Expendables 2. Thanks for the review Pickley ;D